Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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