ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
