and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
