Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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