A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
