Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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