My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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