Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Randomize
