I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Randomize
