He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
