There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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