If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Blood and glitter go together right?
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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