Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Randomize
