why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
