wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Randomize
