Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
