She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
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