I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Pappa wants mamma naked
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Randomize
