Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
