areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
