We got so high we made milksteak
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
