literally had 100 drinks last night.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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