I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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