I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
meet me or not, i'm out of control
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
