Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
Randomize
