Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
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