is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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