as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
