3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
