some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize