I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
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