its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
