just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
