Umm I'm too high to move.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
