cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
