I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize