I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
