A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
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