Just fell off a train. Bad.
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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