Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
