shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Randomize
