i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize
