I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
