That's when you crack a 10am beer
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Randomize
