It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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