Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
