you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Randomize
