Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
This is classic penis vs brain.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
