He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
