its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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