I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
You are the jesus of drinking
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Randomize
