Bisexual people are plain selfish.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
My bed smells like the plague
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize