A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
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