Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
