Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
