I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
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