It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
