You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize