What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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