At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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