Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize