Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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