Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
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