Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
