can we get nightvision for the apartment?
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Randomize
