life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
