Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Randomize
