I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
