Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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