She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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