Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
