I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
