So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Randomize
