I smell stomach acid.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
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