In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
