I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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