Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
