Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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